Alcohol – And Breathe……

Escaping the Anxious Prison.

March 26, 2019Paul Harris

As we have seen previously, the brain is constantly working to keep you safe from danger and harm; this is great up until the point when the anxiety is so bad that the brain goes into safety overdrive and your feel paralysed; it is as if your brain has built a prison to keep you locked away in.

While the brain thinks it is helping, being locked in this cell actually makes you feel trapped; you can imagine, and almost touch the metal bars, the solid concrete or brick walls, see the little window that is too high for you to look out of and only lets in a small amount of light. Read more →

The Isolation of Anxiety & Depression

December 7, 2018December 7, 2018Paul Harris

One of my main anxious fears is being around people, and talking to people. When I first had my breakdown I struggled to leave home and could not walk up the local high road without feeling anxious; my body would be tense, I would look down at the pavement, and move quickly, just to try and avoid people.

Things are slightly better now; I can go out and not have the same level of fear that I did. This is probably down to the fact that I am living in a different area. In Chiswick I was in a block of flats, so the chances of bumping into a neighbour were greater, plus there was always the chance of seeing someone I knew when on the High Road or out walking Leo. Where I am now, no one knows me, and so the chances of having to stop and talk to someone are a lot less. Read more →

Time to Science the S**t out of this.

April 17, 2018Paul Harris

Science was never my strong point at school, and I wouldn’t say that it has been something I have been interested in since I left school; so, if you’d told me that I would be enjoying learning about some of the science behind Anxiety, Depression and Addiction, I would have laughed and shrugged it off as nonsense.

“So in the face of overwhelming odds, I’m left with only one option. I’m going to have to science the s**t out of this.” – The Martian

When I had my first panic attack I honestly believed that something had snapped in my brain (I told you I wasn’t much of a scientist); all I remember was feeling scared and broken. During the early stages of my illness I had no idea what was going on, all I knew was that the stresses at work were causing it.

My learning started when I attended CBT through the NHS. My therapist gave me some booklets that contained some really useful information on the basics of what was going on in my head and body, but this information only covered the tip of the iceberg. Read more →

Depression and Self Blame.

April 10, 2018April 10, 2018Paul Harris

What would you say if I told you that Life Loves You and the Universe wants the Best for You?

You might think I really have lost my mind, and that I’m talking a load of rubbish.

During my struggle with anxiety and depression, I would have said that the world was against me I hated myself and the universe couldn’t care less about me.

Self blame and self loathing are a big problem that people with depression have to battle, this generally stems from the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and a general feeling of having no control in your life. Read more →

Suicide and Depression.

March 22, 2018Paul Harris

This is probably the most difficult blog to write, because it deals with the darkest side of mental health, which is suicide.

I wrote it a while ago, but was not sure when to post it.

Last night Kim and I watched ‘Zoe’s Hardest Road Home’, the BBC/Sports Relief documentary which charted Zoe Ball’s journey of cycling 350 miles from Blackpool to Brighton in order to raise money and awareness of mental health issues.

Zoe’s experience with mental health came when her boyfriend Billy Yates (who suffered from depression) committed suicide. The documentary was an emotional watch, especially when Zoe described the last time she saw Billy. Read more →