My Journey Dealing With Anxiety, Panic & Depression
I cannot say that I know you well
But you can’t lie to me with all these books that you sell
I’m not trying to follow you to the end of the world
I’m just trying to leave something behind
Words have come from men and mouths
But I can’t help thinking that I’ve heard the wrong crowd
When all the water is gone my job will be too
And I’m trying to leave something behind Read more
When you are listening to someone talk about their mental health problems, it is always important to remember that the route cause is specific to them, it is created by their own, individual, experience.
I mention this because I am going to try and explain the reasons why I say I cannot work.
Most of what I am about to write may seem trivial to some of you, you may even have gone through something similar and don’t have a problem; if that is the case then I am very happy for you.
You may think I am just a weaker person. Read more
At the moment everything feels like a massive challenge. Having to make major changes to your life is bloody difficult at the best of times however, when the changes are forced and not really of your doing, it makes it even tougher to come to terms with.
I have tried to keep myself calm and relaxed by keeping busy, but I find the constant barriers I face have a really negative effect on my mood and how I feel about myself and my capabilities. The speed of progress is painfully slow and this dents my motivation to a point where I just want to sit in a dark room and watch TV.
“Sometimes, I feel like one who is on the sidelines, who has missed life itself.”
– Nelson Mandela
I feel as though the world is going on around me and I’m just stood watching. I want to get off the sidelines and into the game, but there is so much to contend with. My confidence is shot to pieces, I don’t even know if I can play the game anymore; I don’t even know what game I am meant to be playing.
The engine is seriously running out of fuel, and that’s where the treacle comes into it; just trying to do anything seems to take so much effort. Read more
Every so often you come across a story that really resonates; recently this has been ‘Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’ by Robert Louis Stevenson.
I have had the book for ages, and only decided to read it because it is on a school reading list for a friend’s son. Like most people, I know the basics of the story and so I thought it might be relevant to my current situation.
Stevenson wrote Jekyll and Hyde at the end of 1885, and at the time it was viewed simply as a ‘horror story’, including by Stevenson himself. The idea for the story came to him in a dream, and he described it as a ‘fine bogey tale’. His wife did not like the first draft, she thought that the story had more potential, that it might have something significant to say about human nature, rather than being a mere horror story. How right she was. Read more
As of yesterday, 5th August 2019, I am officially off the Sertraline!!!!
Wooohoooo!
The last month or so were quite difficult, with lots of ups and downs; the anxiety wasn’t too bad, it was the mood crashes which were the hardest to deal with. One moment I could be quite happy and the next my mood could plummet in the blink of an eye.
It’s hard to say if reducing the Sertraline has had an effect because I felt pretty bad even when I was on a high dose. The main contributing factor seems to be my environment and the experiences I have to confront. Read more
