Walking into the Present……

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.  If you are anxious, you are living in the future.  If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” – Lao Tzu

I find that I constantly bounce between depressed and anxious; one emotion seems to feed the other until they create a monster, a vicious cycle that leads nowhere except down.

Sam Darnold, Quarterback for the New York Jets (NFL) was recently heard on the touchline during a game saying “I’m seeing ghosts!”  He was not literally seeing ghosts, what he seemed to be referring to was his state of mind during the game.  There was so much going on in front of him that everything was a blur, he thought he saw someone to pass to but he ended up throwing the ball into empty space, to nobody.  You don’t really have to be a sports fan to understand that this is not good. Read more

Marathon Man – My Running Journey, Part 1.

Monday 6th May 2019 will forever be marked as one of the greatest days of my life; the day I completed the Milton Keynes Marathon!

All the books and articles about mental health that I have read say that exercise is great therapy; walking the dog worked, but I wanted more, I wanted to lose the Homer Simpson gut that too much alcohol had given me; I also wanted to achieve something, anything.

I started running short distances because that’s all I could manage, the problem was that I had no idea how far I was going, so I decided to get a running app on my phone called ‘Map My Run’.  The first recorded distance I achieved was 4.75k, which was a pretty good effort.

Motivation was a big problem for me, especially when the depression got bad; it’s easy to talk yourself out of things at the best of times, but when I hit rock bottom I just couldn’t scrape myself off the sofa.  I needed a goal, something that would get me out and running. Read more

The Isolation of Anxiety & Depression

One of my main anxious fears is being around people, and talking to people.  When I first had my breakdown I struggled to leave home and could not walk up the local high road without feeling anxious; my body would be tense, I would look down at the pavement, and move quickly, just to try and avoid people.

Things are slightly better now; I can go out and not have the same level of fear that I did.  This is probably down to the fact that I am living in a different area.  In Chiswick I was in a block of flats, so the chances of bumping into a neighbour were greater, plus there was always the chance of seeing someone I knew when on the High Road or out walking Leo.  Where I am now, no one knows me, and so the chances of having to stop and talk to someone are a lot less. Read more