Suicide – And Breathe……

Is This Why People Give Up?

November 7, 2019Paul Harris

A couple of weeks ago I contacted the Bedfordshire Wellbeing Service (They offer talking therapies and are part of the East London NHS Foundation Trust) to try and get some additional help for my anxiety and depression.

I was originally given their leaflet by my GP because I asked him about finding additional help; you can self refer, so I said I would contact them myself. I left it for a while but recently my depression became worse so I decided to see what they could do.

What they offer is limited because the NHS only endorse CBT, counselling and medication as mental health treatments; I am already having counselling (not via the NHS because they only offer a set number of sessions. I had ten with an NHS therapist who didn’t really seem interested) and I wouldn’t touch anti depressants again, so I guess I was going to be left with CBT, which would be better than nothing. I had CBT before via the NHS but it didn’t really work because I was fighting my old company at the time, and this hindered any progress, so it was agreed I would stop. I thought that maybe now it would be more effective. Read more →

Jekyll & Hyde -The Dangers of Suppressing the True You.

August 14, 2019August 14, 2019Paul Harris

Every so often you come across a story that really resonates; recently this has been ‘Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’ by Robert Louis Stevenson.

I have had the book for ages, and only decided to read it because it is on a school reading list for a friend’s son. Like most people, I know the basics of the story and so I thought it might be relevant to my current situation.

Stevenson wrote Jekyll and Hyde at the end of 1885, and at the time it was viewed simply as a ‘horror story’, including by Stevenson himself. The idea for the story came to him in a dream, and he described it as a ‘fine bogey tale’. His wife did not like the first draft, she thought that the story had more potential, that it might have something significant to say about human nature, rather than being a mere horror story. How right she was. Read more →

Nadiya, Anxiety & Me – A Great Insight to Anxiety.

May 23, 2019Paul Harris

I really admire the courage it took for Nadiya Hussain to make the documentary about her struggles with anxiety, and I applaud the way it was presented because it showed very clearly that anxiety is complex and not always logical.

Understanding the complexities of anxiety is hard enough as it is, especially for those who have never experienced severe levels of panic, and I think this was handled beautifully, especially when Nadiya met up with her sisters. These are the people who have been closest to her, and they had no idea how bad her anxiety was; they saw her behaviour, such as counting off the names of her family members on her fingers each night so that none of them would die, but they had no idea why she was doing it. Their reactions were of genuine surprise; what does a voice in your head sound like? Read more →

Demons of Darkness – Olivia B

November 14, 2018Paul Harris

Things have been a real struggle recently; the depression has hit hard since Friday and it literally paralyses me so I cannot do much of anything.

I was browsing the internet whilst on the sofa and found this poem; I have no idea who the writer is, but I thought I would share it because it reminded me to keep fighting the demons, even when they push you to the bottom of the mountain that you’ve been desperately trying to climb…… Read more →

Depression and Self Blame.

April 10, 2018April 10, 2018Paul Harris

What would you say if I told you that Life Loves You and the Universe wants the Best for You?

You might think I really have lost my mind, and that I’m talking a load of rubbish.

During my struggle with anxiety and depression, I would have said that the world was against me I hated myself and the universe couldn’t care less about me.

Self blame and self loathing are a big problem that people with depression have to battle, this generally stems from the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and a general feeling of having no control in your life. Read more →