Time to Science the S**t out of this.

Science was never my strong point at school, and I wouldn’t say that it has been something I have been interested in since I left school; so, if you’d told me that I would be enjoying learning about some of the science behind Anxiety, Depression and Addiction, I would have laughed and shrugged it off as nonsense.

“So in the face of overwhelming odds, I’m left with only one option.  I’m going to have to science the s**t out of this.”The Martian

When I had my first panic attack I honestly believed that something had snapped in my brain (I told you I wasn’t much of a scientist); all I remember was feeling scared and broken.  During the early stages of my illness I had no idea what was going on, all I knew was that the stresses at work were causing it.

My learning started when I attended CBT through the NHS.  My therapist gave me some booklets that contained some really useful information on the basics of what was going on in my head and body, but this information only covered the tip of the iceberg. Read more

Depression and Self Blame.

What would you say if I told you that Life Loves You and the Universe wants the Best for You?

You might think I really have lost my mind, and that I’m talking a load of rubbish.

During my struggle with anxiety and depression, I would have said that the world was against me I hated myself and the universe couldn’t care less about me.

Self blame and self loathing are a big problem that people with depression have to battle, this generally stems from the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and a general feeling of having no control in your life. Read more

Hiding Under a Hat.

One of my greatest fears when I was in the deepest depths of anxiety and panic was leaving the flat and walking up my local High Street; there were a number of challenges that I faced when doing this, which were:

  • I struggled to be around a large number of people.
  • Busy surroundings and noise made me disorientated.
  • I was afraid of bumping into someone I knew.

The third point may sound strange to some of you, and it has probably been one of the hardest things to get my head around, let alone try and explain to other people, especially my friends.  It wasn’t because I didn’t like them anymore; it was a case that I wanted to hide away, almost become anonymous. Read more

Suicide and Depression.

This is probably the most difficult blog to write, because it deals with the darkest side of mental health, which is suicide.

I wrote it a while ago, but was not sure when to post it.

Last night Kim and I watched ‘Zoe’s Hardest Road Home’, the BBC/Sports Relief documentary which charted Zoe Ball’s journey of cycling 350 miles from Blackpool to Brighton in order to raise money and awareness of mental health issues.

Zoe’s experience with mental health came when her boyfriend Billy Yates (who suffered from depression) committed suicide.  The documentary was an emotional watch, especially when Zoe described the last time she saw Billy. Read more